Welcome to the Night Vale Musical
by Believe4Ever
Summary: A collection of parodied Night Vale songs. You're welcome to use them if you follow the guidelines I've laid out inside. Enjoy!
1. Introduction

Hi! So recently I've been making a bunch of Night Vale parodies so I decided, why not post them for others to enjoy? Here's a few notes before you dive in:

Yes, you are allowed to use these parodies as you want! However if you're going to post a recording of you or your friends singing the song, I want credit for the lyrics and I'd love it if you could send me a link! I love seeing other people use my work too.

Yes, you can PM me or comment with a suggestion for a parody! I'll take either situations to parody a song to, or a song to make a parody of, or both. Just please be respectful when asking or I won't make it.

No, I'm not doing this for profit, nor am I saying the songs are exclusively mine. These are _parodies_, so the tunes and original song the lyrics are based off of belongs to someone else. All credit for the original song goes to their exclusive owners. I only own the altered lyrics.

Also, anything aligned on the LEFT side are characters speaking. Anything aligned in the CENTER is singing. This will help you read the parodies.

Please enjoy my parodies and I would love any feedback! Thank you!


	2. Do You Want Some Help With Science?

**Do You Want Some Help With Science? (Do You Wanna Build a Snowman from ****_Frozen_****)**

**_Cecil Palmer:_**

Carlos?

Do you want some help with science?

Come on, I know you need a break

I never see you anymore

Come on come out the door

We'll go on a little date! I mean…

We used to be best boyfriends

I mean, no we're not…

We're just really really good friends!

Do you want some help with science?

It doesn't have to be with science

_(Not now Cecil)_

Later then…

Do you want some help with science?

Or watch the Glow Cloud in the sky

I think a real date is overdue

I've started talking to

The Apachi Tracker guy!

(Not really; he's racist)

It's gets so very lonely

In my radio booth

Watching all my interns die

Chad, Stacey, Leland, Dylan, Jesus, Richard, Dana!

Carlos..?

Please, I know you're in there

Listeners have been asking how you are

They say be patient, and I'm trying to

But I'm dying to see you, please let me in

You are my only other

The only one for me

What am I supposed to do?

Do you want some help with science…?


	3. Hail the Cloud

**Hail the Cloud (Let it Go from ****_Frozen_****)**

_**Cecil Palmer:**_

The red light's blinking on the mountain tonight

With the lights above the Arby's

A town amidst isolation

Making science interesting

Steve Carlsburg's annoying like the Desert Bluffs outside

I just can't stand him, Heaven knows I never tried

Don't look at them, don't look at me

Stay inside like you always have to be

No deal, not real, you can't be loud

But your screams are loud

Hail the Cloud, Hail the Cloud

Do not approach the Dog Park

Hail the Cloud, Hail the Cloud

Carlos and I have those sparks

Tessie won't cut hair again I say

Onto the weather

Intern deaths never bothered me anyway...

It's funny how some distance

Makes that army look so small

And the fears always controlling me

Can now get to you all

I need to see you what this button can do

Test those clocks and break them too

I'm right, you're wrong, government rules you see

Donate please!

Hail the Cloud, Hail the Cloud

That big glowing cloud in the sky

Hail the Cloud, Hail the Cloud

Ignore the racist Indian guy

Here I sit, but I will not stay

Now for the weather...

_[musical interlude]_

Little people will attack us from underground

The sun sets slower than the other states all around

One thought forms but it's gone within a flash

No independence it's in the council's stash

Hail the Cloud, Hail the Cloud

And the carcasses it drops down

Hail the Cloud, Hail the Cloud

Your death won't make a sound

Here I sit, but I will not stay

Onto the weather

Intern deaths never bothered me anyway


	4. Our True Love

**Our True Love (Fixer Upper from ****_Frozen_****)**

**_Old Woman Josie:_**

What's the issue Carlos? Why are you holding back from such a…man?

Is it the flouncy way he walks?

**_Steve Carlsberg:_**

Or the darker way he talks?

**_Dana Cardinal:_**

Or the black or white unknown color of his hair?

**_Old Woman Josie:_**

And though we know he dresses well he always ends up sorta silly

But you'll never meet a guy who is as sensitive and fair!

**_All:_**

So he's a bit of a fixer upper

So he's got some big flaws

His strange obsession, oh, the thing with the radio

That often breaks management's laws

So he's a bit of a fixer upper, but this we're certain of!

You can fix this fixer upper with a little bit of love!

**_Cecil:_**

Can we please stop talking about this? There's a show I need to get to

**_Old Woman Josie:_**

I'll say! So tell me Carlos

**_Old Woman Josie:_**

Is it the way he's never scared?

**_Steve Carlsberg:_**

Or that his nerves are so impaired?

**_Dana Cardinal:_**

Or that around you he is never bored?

**_Old Woman Josie:_**

Why are you holding back your feelings

When he's so femininely pleasing

Can't you see the way he loves you so much more

**_All:_**

He's a bit of a fixer upper

He's got a couple of gnits

His acclimation to you is confirmation to

His desperation for your loving kiss

So he's a bit of a fixer upper

But we know what to do

The way to fix up this fixer upper

Is to fix him up with you!

**_Cecil:_**

Enough! He's engaged to science, okay?

**_Old Woman Josie:_**

So he's a bit of a fixer upper

**_Steve Carlsberg:_**

It's just a minor thing

**_Dana Cardinal:_**

This quote 'engagement' isn't a real arrangement

**_Old Woman Josie:_**

By the way, I found them a ring!

**_All:_**

So he's a bit of a fixer upper

His brains a bit intense

Get the elements—hey! Out of the way

And this whole thing will make sense

**_Old Woman Josie:_**

We're not sayin' you can change him

Cause Cecil, well, he doesn't change

We're only saying that love's a force

That's intimately deranged

People make bad choices when they're dead,

Or scared and not blessed

My angels will come this way!

**_Everyone Else:_**

Angels are not real I say!

**_All:_**

But we'll bring out his best

True love will be his vest

Everyone's a bit of a fixer upper

That's what it's all about

_Steve!_

_Dana!_

_Josie!_

**_All:_**

We need our host, see

To raise us up and tell us now

Everyone's a bit of a fixer upper

But when push comes to shove

The only fixer upper fixer

That can fix a fixer upper is

True! True!

True, true, true!

Love (true love)

Love, love, love, love, love

Love! (true love!)

True…

**_Old Woman Josie:_**

Do you, Carlos, take Cecil to be your nightly-veiled—

**_Carlos:_**

Wait, what?!

**_Old Woman Josie:_**

You're getting married

_[Cecil squeals]_


	5. When a Smiling God Loved Me

**When a Smiling God Loved Me (When Somebody Loved Me by ****_Sarah McLachlan_****)**

**_Kevin R. Free:_**

When a Smiling God loved me, everything was blinding light

Every day that we spent working, was recorded in our files

And when I was sad, re-education zapped my tears

And when I was happy, so were they, when my God loved me

Through the desert, all its miles, I had my God to spread my smile

Just my mike and I together, like I was told to be

And when I was lonely, my God was there to pull my lips

And I knew that he loved me

So Night Vale was ours, and rebellions gave way

But the light began to fade away, I was left alone

Still I wait alone in the sand, raise my head and raise my hand to plead…

Broken and defying, never thought he'd glow my way

He had smiled and grabbed me, and told me what to do

Like he loved me, oh how he loved me

When my Smiling God loved me, everything was blinding light

Every day that I spent working, was recorded in my file

When he loved me…

* * *

*Note: This song would take place directly after _Old Oak Doors. _ :)


	6. You're Simply Imperfect

**You're Simply Imperfect (You're Only Second Rate from ****_Aladdin_****)**

**_Lauren Mallard:_**

I must admit

Your rebellions are exciting

I bet you've got a cat

In your bathroom!

Now here's your chance

To get the best of Strex

Hope your loyalty's there!

C'mon, town,

Make StrexCorp disappear!

Ya tried to kick us out

With your Parade Day

But without a doubt

We're here to stay

We're here to correct

Show no disrespect

You're simply imperfect!

You think your science will help

But your Carlos is gone

You've got a lot to learn

Before we're all done

So for your information

We double-checked

You're simply imperfect!

How is your dog park forbidden

To its people?

And the walls are so dry

With no blood

If you're still uncertain

That we're not right,

I lay down my claim!

I'd love to finish this silly game!

Go ahead and fight us

With Tamika Flynn

Try to trap us

But you'll never win

Please don't reject

Let our changes take effect!

You're simply imperfect!

Night Vale, at the most

You don't measure up

And your radio host

Isn't tough enough

We're here to inspect

We only want to protect

You're simply imperfect

Sy-ner-nists!

We're here to assist!

Incor-por-ated!

Rebel and we'll get you incarcerated!

So spare me all this paperwork

You don't want me to be overworked!

Leave me to collect

Give me all your respect

Enjoy the picnic as we work

On our new project

Look at all the delinquents

We'll have to disinfect

You're simply imperfect!

* * *

_Note: This takes place around Company Picnic :)_

_Wow! I already got a suggestion for a parody! I was absolutely giddy when this came through and I had a lot of fun figuring out lyrics to go along with this. Lauren ended up becoming very much darker in my mind after I wrote this...creepy. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!_


	7. In My Town--A Report Full of Love

**In My Town/A Report Full of Love** **(In My Life/A Heart Full of Love from ****_Les Miserables_****)**

**_Cecil:_**

In my town

He had come like the lights overhead

The night of the moon

And my heart just can't stop

As if this man has won

And indeed he has won my heart over.

Steve

You're the nuisance who has done nothing

On my own I can love Carlos from here

And Arby's is near!

And I report through the town that is mine that is ours

**_Carlos:_**

Every word that he says on his show to me

In my town

There's never been a town like this anywhere

Anywhere, and now Cecil

If he'd asked

I'd stay here

**_Both:_**

In my town

There is someone who I dearly love

**_Cecil:_**

Waiting near

**_Carlos:_**

Waiting here

**_Cecil:_**

A report full of love

The weather full of song

Am I doing anything wrong?

Night Vale, the same

I will even tell you his name

Dear my sweet Carlos

Won't you stay?

Please stay close?

**_Carlos:_**

Your words full of love

No fear, no doubt

**_Cecil:_**

My name is Cecil Palmer

**_Carlos:_**

And mine's—

**_Cecil:_**

Carlos…

Carlos, you know what I say

**_Carlos:_**

Your written words

**_Cecil:_**

Never lost

**_Carlos:_**

You are found!

**_Cecil (Steve):_**

A report full of love

(But he's an outsider to you)

**_Carlos (Steve):_**

A report full of you

(Why regret what cannot be?)

**_Cecil:_**

A single look and then I knew

**_Carlos (Steve):_**

I soon knew too

(He will never be able to stay, not here)

**_Cecil (Steve):_**

From today

(Not right here, no)

**_Carlos:_**

Every day

**_Both (Steve):_**

For it isn't a dream

(Though his heart is full of love)

Not a dream from the Council

(He will never be able to stay)

* * *

_Note: This would probably take place in the earlier episodes._

_Also, yay! Another request! Though, I'll be honest, I've ever seen Les Mis so I did not know the context of this song at all…I think I made Steve the woman who longs for Cecil, yeah? Oh well. I hope you enjoyed your request, __**Canadagirl52**__!_


	8. Hail

**Hail (Pompeii by ****_Bastille_****)**

(Hey-eh-ail Hail)

I could not protect my own thoughts

Many days went away with no memory

And the carcasses kept tumbling down

In the town that we fear

Glow clouds roll over the sand

Bringing colors from above

But if you close your eyes

Does it almost feel like

Nothing will kill you at all?

Just close your eyes

And you will feel like

Something's been here before

How are you gonna get out of this alive?

You aren't gonna get out of this alive…

We were told that angels do not exist

And don't you know that mountains don't exist either?

And the carcasses kept tumbling down

In the town that we fear

Glow clouds roll over the sand

Bringing colors from above

But if you close your eyes

Does it almost feel like

Something will kill you all?

Just close your eyes

And you will really know that

Something's been here before

You can't get out of this alive

Don't even try to get out of this alive…

(Hey-eh-ail Hail)

Oh where should I begin?

From the outside or within?

Oh how should I disturb?

The weather or a proverb?

And the carcasses kept tumbling down (oh where should I being?)

In the town that we fear (the outside or within?)

Glow clouds roll over the sand (oh how should I disturb?)

Bringing colors from above (the weather or a proverb?)

But if you close your eyes

Does it really feel like

Something is killing you all?

Just close your eyes

And I will know that

Something's here right now

We can't get out of this alive

Don't bother to get out of this alive…

If you open your eyes, does it almost feel like days have passed at all?

(Hey-ey-ail Hail)

* * *

_Note: No particular character sings this song. It could be the whole town!_

_Have I mentioned how much I hate FF's formatting system? Why can't I make a blank line?! Oh well…I thought it was time I make a song just about the town's weirdness (aside from Hail the Cloud). Wow I just realized that both of the songs have a title about the Glow Cloud. I guess I really like it._

_Finally, do you realize how hard it is to make a parody of a song like this? Extremely! …But it was really fun regardless. Even though this ended up being more about the town and less about the angels/library, I hope you still enjoyed it. Thank you to **QuothenCatastrophe** for the suggestion!_


	9. Conspiracy

**Conspiracy (Friday by ****_Rebecca Black_****)**

**_Steve Carlsberg:_**

Seven A.M., waking up it is still night

Gotta be sharp, gotta go outside

Gotta have my theories, gotta be all cheery

Seeing everything, the time is stopping

Going on and on, nobody's listening

Gotta get down to the station

Gotta tell someone, I see Cecil (STEVE CARLSBERG!)

Looking at the drawbridge

Seeing no waterway

Who approved this?

This is not needed!

Conspiracy, conspiracy

Gotta clear up conspiracies

Everybody doesn't believe me, please believe me!

Conspiracy, conspiracy

Tell all these conspiracies

Why does no one believe me?

The sandstorm's a cover up (NO!)

Government is evil (NO!)

Yes, yes, yes, yes

I'm just telling you what is true

7:45 I'm kicked out of the station

Runnin' so fast, I don't want to die

Yes, yes, think about this

I know what it is

Who's got this? You got this?

My notes are under my bed, hey!

You got it, please don't take it

Now you have it

Government at my front door

Police at my back door

Gotta make my mind

Which fate do I take?

Conspiracy, conspiracy

Gotta clear up conspiracies

Everybody doesn't believe me, please believe me!

Conspiracy, conspiracy

Tell all these conspiracies

Why does no one believe me?

Hiram is evil (NO!)

Faceless Old Woman is- (NO!)

Yes, yes, yes, yes

I'm just telling you what is true

Was yesterday Thursday, or Wednesday?

Today i-is Friday, no Saturday

I-I-I'm so confused

I'm so confused

Was that re-education?

I have lost all my notes

And all my theories are…gone

I want these thoughts out of my head!

**_Secret Police Officer (Steve):_**

S-C-, Steve Carlsberg

Stormin' through the front (front door)

Back door (back door)

I'm hittin', screamin' (No, NO!)

Fast treat, switchin' treats

These treatments confuse me (STOP!)

(Please!) Passin' by is the City Council in front of me

Their stares over there make me wanna scream

Check the time, it isn't real, he's still screamin'

We gonna have fun, let's go officers

**_Steve Carlsberg:_**

Conspiracy, conspiracy

Gotta clear up conspiracies

Everybody doesn't believe me, please believe me!

Conspiracy, conspiracy

Tell all these conspiracies

Why does no one believe me?

Angels are real (NO!)

Mountains are real (NO!)

Yes, yes, yes, yes

I'm just telling you what is true

Conspiracy, conspiracy

Gotta clear up conspiracies

Everybody doesn't believe me, please believe me!

Conspiracy, conspiracy

Tell all these conspiracies

Why does no one believe me?

Cecil is a good man (Uh, yes!)

Janice don't need fixin' (Yes!)

Yes, yes, yes, yes

I'm just telling you what is true

* * *

_Note: Steve Carlsberg is still a jerk._

_This was fun! Friday is a classic song to parody and, though it started out as a joke, this turned into a real written out parody…go me I guess? I hope you enjoyed it!_


	10. Smiling God Knows Best

**Smiling God Knows Best (Mother Knows Best from ****_Tangled_****)**

**_Kevin:_**

You want to go outside?

Oh why, Cecil?

**_Kevin (Cecil):_**

Look at you, as inefficient as Health Care

You're still rebelling, still shirking

You know why we keep you in the picnic there

(I don't, but-)

That's right. To keep things smooth and working

Guess I always knew this view was coming

Knew that soon you'd want to leave the picnic

Not ever, you people

(But!)

Shh, trust me, Cecil

Smiling God knows best

Our Smiling God knows best

Listen to StrexCorp

It's an incapable town out there

Smiling God knows best

He knows what is superb

He makes everything right, I swear!

Orange juice, profit

Education, StrexPets!

Propaganda and paintings, J.P.'s OJ!

(NO!)

Yes

(But!)

Also cupcakes

Men in sharp suits and

I can keep going, it makes me so happy

The Smiling God's right there

StrexCorp will guide you

Night Vale, here's what I suggest

Fix your defects

Stay with us Strex

Smiling God knows best

Go ahead, keep dying in the dog park

Go ahead, keep drinking to forget

Him, he's just a god, what does he know?

He only smiles and shine and loves you

You can't just leave us, we don't deserve it

If you want to die alone, be our guest!

But it'll be too late, you'll see, we'll wait

Our Smiling God knows best

Smiling God knows best

Take if from us, StrexCorp

On your own, you won't succeed

Casual, under-dressed

Opinionated, free

Please, we can fix you all up

Different, curious

Positively damaged

Why, you even a broken niece!

Plus, I can see

You're gettin' really chubby

I'm just saying because you shouldn't be

Smiling God understands

Strex is here to help you

All we have is one request

**_Kevin (Cecil):_**

Cecil?

(…Yes?)

Don't _ever_ ask to leave the picnic again

(…okay.)

Oh, I love you so much Night Vale

(We don't love you)

Then I love you most!

**_Kevin:_**

Don't forget it

You'll regret it

Our Smiling God knows best.

* * *

_Note: These are viewpoints/opinions Kevin expresses, which does not mean they mirror my own._

_So this ended up being less about their Smiling God (though he does know best) and a bit more about the messed up views of Capitalism. Whoops. I hope you still liked it and I can always try to make another parody specifically about everyone's favorite god. Thanks __**Mayuna**__ for the request!_


	11. Notice

_Hi! This isn't a parody, but rather, an announcement. I'm sorry for interrupting your enjoyment of my parodies to bring you this broadcast._

_Anyway, I have a Night Vale forum called _Good Evening, Listeners_. I'm afraid that nobody has joined in the long while that it's been opened. At least, nobody has joined that has not disappeared in a mysterious unexplained incident. The Sheriff's Secret Police are looking into it. So, what I'm asking, is that if any of you are interested in joining, to either look on my profile to find the link to my forums, or to PM me and I will personally give you a link to them. Of course you do not have to, it is not required, but I'd appreciate some fellow Night Valians to come join me in role playing, discussions, and sharing headcanons. Thank you!_

_*__**Note**__: This announcement is not approved by Station Management. I'm trapped. Help. Find me. Free me._


End file.
